long time [27 Oct 2006|10:48pm] haha been a long time since my last post... i really didnt feel like posting cuz no1s gonna read it neways but...its just for my own sake i guess...for memories or wateva...it is a journal right?? on my way home today from church i was thinkin and like i was just wondering why everything is so different. i was just thinkin about how happy i was gonna be when i left for college. i dont know why i think that because in order to leave for college i leave behind all the "friends" that i have. but they i realize that me and my friends are always so distant. and then i wonder why my friends always change and leave me. the ones that i felt that our bonds were strong...the ones i saw as my best of friends... everyone that i have gotten close to have all left me behind. i dont think they do it on purpose its just that people change...and when they change...i stay the same and i just stay where i was. i realize that i cant hope for too much because HEY the world doesnt revolve around me. i can deal with it all because im still the same person i always was. i know that i always have my friends from back in the day cuz come on...15 years of friendship is something that is hard to lose. but the friends that i come to know and come to love just arent always there. i realized that i come close to certain people and then eventually we drift apart...no matter how hard i try to keep things together. i work to bring these relationships back to where they once were but then i understand that it is impossible. they change to a point where nothing could be the same as everything once was. i wish that it was different because friends mean a great deal to me. but wat am i supposed to do about it?? like the people i meet and we get to talkin a lot for a couple days and then after that its like whered u go? or the ones that i become really close to and they just suddenly disappear not even having the time to talk. the lesson i learned from all this is that i need to start thinkin and doin things for the now and not for the later. i need to realize that it only takes a split second for everything in life to change and i need to be able to roll with the punches and just take it as it comes. ill still try and be friends and all...but its just like i wont push it cuz if they dont want my friendship...den alright...i cant control how they feel about me 2 jacked up

awwwww haha [10 Oct 2006|09:36pm] 1. I wait for you in the hallway 2. I say hi to you everytime I see you 3. I smile whenever I see you 4. I walk slow when im with you 5. I play with your hands and try to hold them 6. I tease you about stupid things 7. I ask you to go places with me 8. my friends ask you if you like me 9. my friends point at you when im with you 10. i always just happen to be staring .. now make a wish about the person you like <3 jacked up

cant wait to find my mrs. right [25 Aug 2006|01:10am] [ music | someday we'll know-mandy moore ] ( twelve types of women ) mayb i already found her...=|?? i pretty much found one thats... a,b,d,e,i,j,k,l,m,o,p(other den the she's your woman part) haha well too bad she'll never like me sigh 3 jacked up

revelation haha [17 Aug 2006|09:40pm] i just realized why i dont even post on my lj....BECAUSE NO ONE EVER READS IT...so i guess its just a waste of my time to even post. but i guess i do it at times cuz im bored neways so wateva 5 jacked up

survey [15 Aug 2006|11:48pm] ( survey ) jacked up

[09 Aug 2006|09:22am] [ music | dance with me again-aisea taimani ] Instructions: Name 10 of life's simple pleasures that you like the most, then pick people to do the same. Try to be original and creative; try not to use things that someone else has already used. 10. I like lying in the grass and staring at the stars. 9. I like the feeling of satisfaction after doing the right thing. 8. I like watching Friends. 7. I like lying in bed just thinking. 6. I like the sound of the rain falling...(running int he rain too). 5. I like putting the song of the moment on repeat. 4. I like watching sports. 3. I like when people confide in me and being able to help others. 2. I like being with the people i love. 1. I like being with that one special person. I tag- everyone that reads this yay =Þ got to say that was hard jacked up

song [29 Jul 2006|05:34pm] [ music | someday we'll know ] heres the song... someday we'll know by mandy moore and jonathan foreman ( someday we'll know )  ummm and here is all i need is you ( all i need is you..hillsong united ) jacked up

JESUS CULTURE [29 Jul 2006|03:48pm] WHOO well jesus culture was awesomenes...i got a couple songs stuck in my head...but ya i will put those in later.i really had a great time..hanging out with everyone and just talking and such with pplz.. awesome that i got to like talk to ppl i hafnt really talked to in a long time. the car rides were always awesome..karaoking and such to some awesome songs...but ya worship was always awesome...the afternoons..not so much but either way still good. i did fall asleep a lil.. :( not something good to do...but still great messages. also God showed me a couple things that really turned my head..upside down...so ya songs- over my head-the fray someday we'll know-mandy moore and jonathan foreman all i need is you-hillsong united jacked up

posting? [23 Jul 2006|09:47pm] [ music | dance with me again-aisea taimani ] well i havent posted in a while...my day i guess was pretty bad...first off i went to church and it was really boring i guess? cuz i was REALLY REALLY sleepy...then i had to do all this crap which wasnt really fun? then my mom yelled at me cuz i wouldnt take my aunt home...but why is it my responsibility to take her home when my mom was the one who "brought" her. ya and then after that it started to go all downhill...i got steff mad at me...but i really dont blame her for being mad.. i did do something stupid and did get her hurt...which im really sorry for... :(. well lets see...i really dont even know why i post...no1 actually reads this haha but i guess for my own sake. ya so i got into my song again...its on repeat haha... i guess my being mad has me listening to this song to try and calm me down? well ya my day did kinda get better...other then the fact i LOCKED MY KEYS IN MY CAR...omg that was stupid...but ya...hung out with...vicky and her friends emmaline?? and kevin? ya went to movies...watched pirates...again...but it was fun. vicky didnt like it tho..haha but it was worth it to see her JUMP and get scared haha :). we did some talking too...which is always a fun thing to do. o so lets see...i did some random thinking like i always do...and i realized that im really tired of everything life throws at me... like im tired of always being the one to try and fix the friendships... also tired of always having to be the person who needs to start the conversations i guess? but wateva... even if i have no friends...i still have God...thats still pretty good. the thing is tho... friends were always the thing that kept me going you know? they were the ones that just made everything better. but nowadays these so called "friends" of mine arent even there anymore.. but hey i really shouldnt expect that much from them...its not like the world revolves around me or nething right? but ya i wished that they at least like acknowledged me? so basically i cant wait till SEPTEMBER...so many good things are gonna happen in september i cant WAIT...hopefully life gets better then...but until then...i needa just live with wat im dealt... 1 jacked up

long [13 Jul 2006|05:14pm] (Click here to post your own answers for this meme.) ✓ I miss somebody right now. × I don't watch much TV these days.  (NO CABLE AHHH) × I own lots of books.  (wat are these books they speak of) × I wear glasses or contact lenses.  (NEVER) ✓ I love to play video games. × I've tried marijuana.  (naw good kid here) × I've watched porn movies.  (porn wat is that..? is that a comedy?) × I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.  (ive only had 1...and no) ✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy. ✓ I curse sometimes. ✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. × I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.  (dude I LIVE IN FREMONT) ( it goes on... ) 1 jacked up

nother song? [11 Jul 2006|12:30am] [ music | goodbye-jagged edge ] iono i was at H&M today being bored to death listening to my ipod...and this song played...and well ya old song and all but iono...just hit me? hehe. why it hit me i really dont know? but wateva... Jagged Edge-Goodbye Sometimes What may be the best thing For you to do Sometimes thats the hardest thing For you to do And that, that's real you know 'cause I know I love you I know how I feel about you But I also know that don't Make everything aight And for that reason I gotta say goodbye Tell me Have you ever been in a Situation where the Best thing you could do Was the hardest thing You've ever done (The hardest thing you've ever done) But you try to do What's right And I know deep down inside That I really wanna be There by your side But I can't stand to see you cry Not when it's because of me Yeah, yeah, yeah (chorus 1) When it's over I'll never love another I'm always thinking of her I'm doing this because of her (chorus 2) I don't wanna say goodbye I don't wanna let her see me cry Looking out the window wonderin' why Did we have to Say all those things That we said last night (that we said last night) Baby I don't wanna say goodbye So I'm just standing here Wondering why Just don't like to See when you cry So I'mma say goodbye Whatchu think cause I packed your stuff Inside I'm really Really cracking up 'Cause you're wrong I just hide it good 'Cause I know that's What you need girl And there's more to life Than loving yourself You gotta learn to Love somebody else, yeah And that's why I Do the things that I do Oh (chorus) Aint no one in this world that can ever take your place all the love that we shared it can never be erased and I know that, that it hurts so bad and i'm sorry cuz you're the best i've had (repeat ^ 'til fade) jacked up

SURVEY [07 Jul 2006|01:34am] 10 Favorites... Favorite Color: ORANGE DUHHH Favorite Food: SUSHI Favorite Band/Singer: well i dont really know..i guess Favorite Song: oo easy would you dance with me by aisea taimani...best song ever...go to www.myspace.com/aiseataimani to hear Favorite Movie: dont really haf one..i haf a lot i guess? Favorite Sport: VOLLEYBALL Favorite Season: Summer Favorite Day Of the Week: Friday Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: cookies and cream? 9 Currents... Current Mood: bored? sad? (slow jams sigh) Current Taste: none Current Clothes: sweats, t shirt Current Desktop: ooo jessica alba and kewl penguins and a depressed duck Current Nail Color: umm iono flesh colored? Current Time: 1:37 Current Annoyance(s): none... Current Thought: mann i love.._______. or actually i wanna sleep. 8 Firsts... First Best Friend: william chung..KINDERGARDEN FPS WHOO First Kiss: none haha..i wanna try to haf my first kiss at the altar...but iono its a hard goal First Screen Name: ahaterofschoo i think? First Pet: FISHIES First Piercing: none First Crush: ehh michele? 7th grade? First Music: iono First Car: tech dont haf one yet...but my sis's dodge neon 7 Lasts... Last Cigarette: none Last Drink: had a sip of beer?? 2 weeks ago?? at picnic? i didnt like it... BLAH Last Car Ride: me driving home? this morning Last Kiss: dont even remember Last Movie Seen: Superman Last Phone Call: wow...a while ago... ='( no one likes talkin to me Last CD Played: along time ago..i usually listen to ipod 6 Have You Evers... Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Friends: no Have You Ever Broken the Law: yes i speed drive past 11 and drive others...wateva Have You Ever Been Arrested: no Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: no Have You Ever Been on TV: no? Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't know: no 5 Things you're wearing: 1. sweats 2. t shirt 3. ... 4. ... 5. ... 4 Things You've Done Today: 1. went to cousins 2. played comp games 3. burned popcorn 4. done this survey 3 Things You Can Hear Right Now: 1. my music 2. outside noises 3. myself typing Things You Can't Live Without: 1. friends 2. GOD 1 Thing You Do When You're Bored: 1. well play games?? watch oth on my comp? watch anime? WRITE EMAIL TO a certain FRIEND 1 jacked up

update? [05 Jul 2006|12:19pm] mann i hafnt updated in a while... i havent really been in like a good mood really so iono... well i just felt like hafing something here... too bad i didnt find a new song... tear o well...well bai everyone 3 jacked up

HOW GOOD ARE U [13 Jun 2006|08:08pm] If you get over 45 you're considered a "bad kid." 1) smoked 2) consumed alcohol 3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex 4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex 5) made out with someone of the opposite sex 6) had sex 7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex 8) watched porn 9) bought porn 10) done drugs TOTAL: 3 11) taken pain killers 12) taken someone else's prescription medicine 13) lied to your parents 14) lied to a friend 15) snuck out of the house 16) done something illegal 17) cut yourself 18) hurt someone 19) wished someone to die 20) seen someone die TOTAL: 3 21) missed curfew 22) stayed out all night 23) eatin a carton of ice cream by yourself 24) been to a therapist 25) been to rehab 26) dyed your hair 27) recieved a ticket 28) been in an accident 29) been to a club 30) been to a bar TOTAL: 3 31) been to a wild party 32) seen the Mardi Gras 34) had a spring break in Florida 35) sniffed anything 36) wore black nail polish 37) wore arm bands 38) wore t-shirts with band names 39) listened to rap 40) own 50 cent cd TOTAL: 1 41) dressed gothic 42) dressed prep 43) dressed punk 44) dressed grunge 45) stole something 46) been to drunk to remember anything 47) blacked out 48) fainted 49) had a crush on your neighbor 50) had someone sneak into your room TOTAL: 1 51) snuck into some one else's room 52) had a crush on your best friend's significant other 53) been to a concert 54) dry humped someone 55) been called a slut 56) called someone a slut 57) installed speakers in your car 58) broke a mirror 59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house 60) brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush TOTAL: 1(ish)+1 61) consider ludacris your favorite rapper 62) seen an R rated movie in theaters 63) cruised the mall 64) skipped school 65) had an eating disorder 66) had an injury 67) gone to court 68) walked out of a resteraunt without paying 69) caught something on fire 70) lied about your age TOTAL: 3 71) owned an apartment 72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend 73) cheated with someone 74) got in trouble with the police 75) talked to a stranger 76) hugged a stranger 77) kissed a stranger 78) rode in the car with a stranger 79) been sexually harrassed 80) been verbally harrassed TOTAL: 1 81) met face to face with someone you met online 82) stayed online for 12 hours straight 83) talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight 84) watched tv for 12 hours straight 85) been to a fair 86) been called a bad influence 87) cursed 88) prank called someone 89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex 90) cheated on a test TOTAL: 7 91) cheated on homework 92) held hands with someone of the opposite sex 93) been pushed into a pool 94) played pool 95) watched 5 hours of mtv straight 96) had a crush on someone 8 years older than you 97) had a crush on someone younger than you 98) wear eyeliner 99) skinny dipped 100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt TOTAL: 5 GRAND TOTAL: 29!!! IM A GOOD KID jacked up

my school year was 36% perfect [02 Jun 2006|10:26pm] SCHOOLS NEARLY OVER! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE IN THE PAST SCHOOLYEAR? HAVE YOU.... [?] fell in love (ehhh iono lol...one sided mayb lol and im not talkin bout that 1 girl...) [ ] skipped class? [x] hugged someone in school? [ ] started a rumor? [ ] gotten a iss/oss? (in school suspension, outside school suspension) TOTAL: 1 [ ] cried in school? [X] wish you could take something back [x] made new friends? [x] prom /gone to a dance [x] watched a football game TOTAL: 4 [ ] watched a soccer game [ ] watched a baseball game [X] watched a volleyball game [x] watched a tennis match [ ] watched a softball game TOTAL: 2 [ ] watched a track meet [ ] watched a basketball game [ ] stood up for someone being made fun of? [ ] broken up with someone in school? [ ] fought with a teacher? TOTAL:0 [x] got a 100% on a test? [ ] walked to school [x] drove to school [x] got dropped off at school [x] heard a rumor about yourself? TOTAL: 4 [ ] gone to school under the influence? [ ] had something illegal at school [ ] missed school when you weren't sick? [x] failed a test [ ] failed a class TOTAL: 1 [ ] made up some lame excuse for homework not being done? [ ] the teacher believed your lame excuse? [ ]crushed on a teacher? [ ] hit on a teacher? [x] hated a teacher? TOTAL: 1 [ ] was involved with a sport? STUPID KLINE I HATE HIM [ ] on student council? [x] in a club? [ ] got a scholarship? [ ] got an award? TOTAL: 1 [x] fallen asleep in school [x] gotten in trouble for falling asleep in class [ ] had your phone go off in class [ ] had your phone taken away? [ ] lied to a teacher? TOTAL: 2 [ ] laughed so hard you cried in class [ ] eaten lunch in the bathroom? [x] missed more than a week at once of school [x] excited for summer? [ ] taking summer school? TOTAL: 2 Add up your total and times it by 2. then repost saying: "My school year was _% perfect!" jacked up

[23 May 2006|09:24pm] WOW IF U GUYS ARE GONNA JACK THE SURVEY FROM ME AT LEAST FILL IT OUT 2 jacked up

[22 May 2006|11:38pm] [ music | dance with me again-aisea taimani ] OK THIS TOOK ME FOREVER SO ENJOY IT...its lyrics for a song which i had to figure out sigh dance with me again- aisea taimani Now I know it’s been long since the last time that I saw you, sure feels like forever. Dancing underneath the stars amazed by everything you are, was the last thing I remember. You were holding on real tight so I thought that I just might hold on to something that can't be wrong. I won’t lie you caught my eye dance and laughing side by side I thought that nothing could be better. I wish that I could freeze time. If this moment was on tape then I’d press play and then rewind over and over and over and again. I wish this night would never end. Are you fooling me? Am I fooling you? Was this just one night when everything was just right? Take it slow honey please tell me your name. Are you fooling me? Am I fooling you? Was it just a dance or a chance for romance? I don’t know would you dance with me again. As the air was getting cold you let me look inside your soul captivated can I stay here for a while. As time beats slow to speak and to be quick to listen when you speak I finally know why. I wish that I could freeze time. If this moment was on tape then I’d press play and then rewind over and over and over and again. I wish this night would never end. Are you fooling me? Am I fooling you? Was this just one night when everything was just right? Take it slow honey please tell me your name. Are you fooling me? Am I fooling you? Was it just a dance or a chance for romance? I don’t know would you dance with me again. So much beauty in those boots. If you could read my mind. Dance until the sun came up and then danced one more time. Are you fooling me? Am I fooling you? Was it just one night when everything was just right. Take it slow honey please tell me your name. Are you fooling me? Am I fooling you? Was it just a dance or a chance for romance? I don’t know would you dance with me again. I wish this night would never end. Would you dance with me again? Honey please tell me your name. Would you dance with me again? 3 jacked up

randomness [22 May 2006|11:09pm] well i haf to change my info because i really dont think that any of these songs really apply to me now...considerin how i really give up on love...and life. i was really hoping that everything would work out in the end u know...how in fairy tales...many bad things would happen to the protagonist...however in the end they always find a way out of it. i hoped that this would be the case for me...but i guess it isnt meant to be. i really need to learn to love what ive got...even if what i got is only one person...cuz i love her and really dont know what i would do without her. shes pretty much everything to me...i wish that i had a lot more to live for you know...but not everything works like that haha. the hardships that i have went through however has taught me many things. like....love sucks this is to a certain someone...if she ever reads my info...i hope that things can go back to normal...like they were before..i really hope that. i hate how things are right now and it just sucks having things so awkward. if u still have things on ur mind...or if u still cant forgive me for wat i did...then i would understand...but cant u just talk to me...even for a little while just so i know that you are still there? i hope that u dont find things awkward because its been a long time... jacked up

... [22 May 2006|10:27pm] If you love me you'll do this for me, but if you don't do it I won't talk to you cuz apparently you don't love me. 1. Who are you? 2. Are we friends? 3. When and how did we meet? 4. What do you think of me as? (ex. gf/friend....etc.) 5. What do you think of me? 6. What's the fondest memory you have of me? 7. How long do you think we will be friends? 8. Do you love me? 9. Do you have a crush on me? 10. Would you kiss me? 11. Would you hug me? 14. Do you wish I was closer to you? 15. On a scale of 1-10,how hot am I? 16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. 17. Am I lovable? 18. How long have you known me? 19. Describe me in one word. 20. What was your first impression? 21. Do you still think that way about me now? 22. What do you think my weakness is? 23. Do you think I'll get married? 24. What makes me happy? 25. What makes me sad? 26. What reminds you of me? 27. If you could give me anything what would it be? 28. How well do you know me? 29. When's the last time you saw me? 30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? 32. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same? 33. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen? 34. Are you going to put this on your Xanga and see what i say about you? 35. Would you ever lie to me? 36. If so, what about? 37. Would you ever abuse my trust or make me feel as though I could not trust you? 38. Do you find fault in the way I act towards others? 39. If so, how do you think I can change that for the better? What would you do if........... ? I came to u in the middle of the night: ? I never saw you again: ? I kissed you: ? I moved next door to you: ? I started taking drugs: ? I told you I had a crush on you: ? I was hospitalized: ? I took a bullet for u: ? I got into a fight with your parents: ? I dyed my hair blue: ? I came to you crying: ? I moved away: ? I won a million dollers: ? I became famous: ? I wrecked your car: ? I told you that you were my best friend: What am I?: 1. Quiet or Loud? 2. SHORT or Tall? 3. Weird or Original? 4. Friendly or Selfish? 5. Smart or Stupid? Do you think I'm...: 1. Shy? 2. Weird? 3. Crazy? 4. A good friend? 5. Conceited? Everyone...: 1. Whats the craziest thing you've done with me? 2. Physically, what's my best feature? 3. On a scale 1-10, what would u rate my personality? 4. Do we talk offline ever? 5. Mentally what's my best feature? 11 jacked up

[15 May 2006|08:50pm] made to love you-gerald levert I recall when we first met along time ago how could i forget the way i felt when i first layed eyes on you i remember saying to my friends there is my future wife and then i took the steps to meet someone who would change my life it had to be my des-es tiny Cuz i was made to love you my hands to touch you my arms to hold you my legs to stand my time to spend with you forever i was made made to love you my lips to kiss you my eyes to see you my legs to stand my time to spend with you forever our life together i was made made to love you made to love you i remember our first date our first arguments our very first break up and make up that got us to this moment and every girlfriend and every one night stand every heart break every heart ache led me to ya threw me to ya it made me better better soon for you it had to be my destiny I was made to love you my hands to touch you my arms to hold you my legs to stand my time to spend with you forever i was made made to love you my lips to kiss you my eyes to see you my legs to stand my time to spend with you forever our life together i was made made to love you made to loveyou love you my hands to touch you my arms to hold you my legs to stand my time to spend with you forever i was made made to love you my lips to kiss you my eyes to see you my legs to stand my time to spend with you forever our life together i was made made to love you made to love you it had to be my des-es tiny i was made to love you -a 1 jacked up

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